Tuesday 7 April 2015

How I stopped using Valium

Readers of my blog would already know that I am a patient of Chronic Fatigue (CFS) and Anorexia. Over and above that I have recently been diagnosed as having a condition known as orthostatic hypotension. Orthostatic hypotension is a condition in which blood pressure is higher when lying down and decreases on sitting or standing up. Chronic Fatigue is difficult to manage as it is and one really doesn’t need more complications. CFS is a condition with an “unknown origin” and there is no treatment for it. One has to learn to live with it and design life around it. There is no explanation for the fatigue you feel all the time. Patients of CFS are mostly dismissed as lazy and un-ambitious or diagnosed as suffering from depression. All patients of CFS are able to function for a few hours a day but remain fatigued otherwise. I remain physically fatigued till about 3 pm. The pattern of energy and fatigue is unique to every individual who is dealing with the condition. Some may feel better in the mornings and others may have more energy in the evenings. However, one thing is for certain; all patients of CFS want to do more than they can and invariably overestimate their physical ability. Till we learn not to over exert ourselves we burn ourselves out and go under for days, weeks or even months. We are without fail and wrongly advised by health professionals to exercise and be physically more active. This only makes matters worse for us. Exercise however is important but CFS patients need to find the right level and type of exercise for them. To make matters worse for me I also have an inability to take in sufficient calories. So imagine this firstly you are fatigued and then you are unable to eat a proper meal and to top it off your blood pressure rises and you have palpitations if you try to lie down and rest. 

To help with anxiety and palpitations I was put on Valium by a well wishing doctor. If used for more than a couple of weeks at a stretch one will get dependent on it. Valium is more addictive than Heroine with horrifying withdrawal symptoms. As a side effect however valium helps boost appetite. This sort of got me hooked on it. But using it to combat anorexia is a disaster. The body develops resistance to the drug and soon you are in a situation where functioning without it becomes impossible and you need to increase the dose. When taken for long term it further fatigues you. 

The highest dose I ever took was 40mg. In the January of 2014 I decided that I wanted to stop using valium. The withdrawal symptoms I had were extreme dryness of the mouth, tense knotted feeling in the abdomen, back pain, increased fatigue, blurred vision, muscle weakness, irritability and difficulty in concentration. My blood pressure would occasionally go out of control; my palpitations and extreme anxiety were back.  For a few years before January 2014 I had inadvertently started reducing the dose, not liking the idea of being dependent on a chemical of any kind. I was trying to reduce or give up every type of pharmaceutical and wanted to use proper diet, exercise, ayurveda and homeopathy to manage my health issues. I have managed to achieve this at the time of writing this post. I was not on a very high dose by January 2014. I was taking 10mg, which is equivalent to 0.5mg of Clonazepam or Alprazolam. A Benzodiazepines equivalent table is available here. Since I was on long term use of valium (diazepam) it took me over 10 months to withdraw completely from the 10mg level. I did not know how to withdraw systematically and the doctors I approached had no idea how to manage valium withdrawal. Luckily I found a manual “BENZODIAZEPINES: HOW THEY WORK AND HOW TO WITHDRAW” written by Professor C Heather Ashton Institute of Neuroscience, Newcastle University which is available here.  This manual is an excellent resource for anyone struggling with a benzodiazepine addiction, like I was. Professor Ashton’s manual not only helped me with the withdrawal but also helped me understand what valium was doing to me and what to expect during the withdrawal. Withdrawal symptoms of valium can last for years after you have taken the last dose. 


As I have said before I had already reduced my dose from a high of 40mg to 10mg in a few years before 2014. I really cannot recall what symptoms related to this withdrawal period. During this time I had no idea how serious valium withdrawal can be. It is luck that I did not try stopping cold turkey. Doing so can result in stroke or even death. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to stop using this drug. If I recall correctly the way my withdrawal went from 40mg to 10mg was that I tried to take as little as possible, to take care of palpitations and anxiety. The only thing I had prepared myself for was my struggle with not being able to eat properly and the situation getting worse. I also used a higher dose whenever I was unable to even force myself to eat. I think coming down from 40mg to 10mg was less of a struggle than what I went through from 10mg to zero. According to Professor Ashton’s manual the reduction from 10mg to 1mg should take between 10 to 20 weeks. The manual suggests that you reduce your dose by 1mg every 1 or 2 weeks till you hit 1mg and then stop altogether. Some other resources I referred to suggest reducing the dose by 25% and staying there till you feel somewhat normal before reducing further. I guess different approaches would work for different people. The bottom line is to keep reducing the dose steadily till you are home free. 


I was in a sort of hurry by January 2014 and wanted to stop using valium as soon as I could. I hadn't yet discovered Professor Ashton’s manual. I successfully dropped the dose from 10mg to 5mg by the end of January 2014. I will not recommend this to anyone. This is when terrible withdrawal symptoms started showing up. I could not sleep for days, saliva completely dried up, I had constant backache, couldn't eat and my weight was dropping. I had no energy and could not get out of bed for days. I was extremely anxious and became afraid of company. The slightest sound would startle me. I was a complete nervous wreck. I did not want anyone to see me in the condition I was in. It is really tough to describe the mental and physical state in words. I was however still searching for solutions for everything that valium was taking care of for me till then. I discovered Amitriptyline to help me sleep and Propranolol for anxiety. I studied them as thoroughly as I could. Once I was convinced that they were both non addictive and could be stopped easily I started using both in 10mg doses which is a very small dose for both these chemicals. Amitriptyline is used for treating depression in larger doses and Propranolol for lowering blood pressure. 


In February of 2014 I tried stopping valium use completely from the 5mg level I was at. This was a mistake. Within 10 days I started getting very restless, had palpitations, extreme anxiety, extreme fatigue total loss of appetite and a sort of indescribable fear. I had prepared myself for such symptoms to occur but it was getting too difficult. So I had to go back on valium. However, instead of going back to 5mg and then dropping 1mg every 1 or 2 weeks, I reduced my dose to 2.5mg per day cutting the dose by 50%. This made things a little more manageable. I had to continue this for 20 days and on March 1, 2014 further dropped the dose to 1.5mg. This I continued for the next over 60 days and on May 1, 2014 cut the dose by 0.5mg to 1mg. I continued at this level for the next over 130 days and on September 10, 2014 dropped the dose to 0.5mg. After about 80 days on December 1, 2014 I completely stopped using valium. 


At the time of writing this it has been nearly 4 months since I stopped using valium but am still dealing with many withdrawal symptoms. I still need to use Amitriptyline to help me sleep and Propranolol for anxiety. Let me add here that Propranolol adds to my fatigue as a side effect. During sleep my mouth gets extremely dry, the vision is blurred, anxiety is there but is getting more manageable every day and getting a proper night’s sleep is still a problem. But I am restricting myself to 10mg of both Amitriptyline and Propranolol.


I’d like to add here that addiction experts believe that it is nearly impossible for addicts to give up their choice of drug and even more difficult to stay off once they have given it up. Usually some stress event will drive us back to using whatever it is we are dependent on. I am extremely pleased to say that I have been able to take the passing away of my father during this period rather well though with a heavy heart. I am also managing to look after my bedridden mother. I have gotten back to smoking but am sure I will be able to give it up. Otherwise I am now completely drug and alcohol free. 


I recently discovered this website and I strongly recommend Dr. C. E. Gant Alternative Health Membership Program for anyone wanting to improve health and who wants to or has given up an addiction. It is a A Science Based Alternative/natural Approach To Treating ADHD, Drug Addictions, And Other Health Conditions. Dr. C E Gant Has Over 30 Years Experience In Alternative And Integrative Medicine. Get Real Solutions For Healing Without Drugs. for more information follow this link >

My struggle was with valium but many people are struggling with different kinds of addiction including pharmaceutical or non-pharma substances. You could be searching for a solution online or with real healthcare professionals. The fact is that the net is not a very reliable place for solutions and rarely any healthcare professional has any experience with detox. Even psychiatrists who often prescribe dangerous and addicting substances do not really know how these chemicals work or how to get you off of them. Many people are stuck with addictions to Benzodiazepines, Anti-psychotics, antidepressants, Painkillers, opiates, methadone, heroin, Stimulants, cocaine, methamphetamine, Alcohol and Marijuana. All of these substances have very similar withdrawal symptoms. It is really expensive to go through a detox as an in-patient at a hospital and most have no idea what they are doing anyway. If yo wish to share say or ask anything you are welcome to write to me. 

PS: This is something I missed out in my post above. After over 4 months of complete and successful withdrawal I am still going through digestion problems including constipation and repeated allergy and flu attacks. I still do not feel completely well have low energy and feel “depressed” or I should say “blue”. I feel nervous and anxious all the time. I still have un-refreshing sleep. Mentally I make mistakes doing calculations, which never happened to me before and I have difficulty concentrating. Some people face headaches and pains but I never faced these issues.